Written by Kay
The sky was covered in hues of gold, the weather was generous as it was the perfect blend of heat and wind mixed in the air. I sat there on the shore and felt you walking towards me. This was the thing, I could feel you even if we were to be under the skies of different worlds.
I didn’t want to look your way, I didn’t want to acknowledge your presence, so I shut myself off completely. I tried my best to avoid you but you see, you have this magnificent aura around you and it only seems to affect me or that’s what it seems like.
I still remember when I first met you. It was night, was about to rain and I had had a big fight with my friends. I felt like no one understood me, I felt wronged. I was crying when it started raining and I was relieved, now no one would see my pathetic self crying.
When someone came running to me and held their umbrella over my head and I looked up and there you were shining under the moon, there was this soothing smile on your face and I somehow knew that you were trying to say something even though you weren’t talking.
I was startled, no I wasn’t but I should’ve been, I should’ve panicked seeing a stranger run up to me and offer me an umbrella and all this without saying a single word.
I told you that it was okay and I could go home alone, but then you said that you didn’t mind going out of way to get me home. That should’ve been creepy and I should’ve just not agreed to anything a stranger was saying to me but I didn’t know why I agreed.
We talked on the way and I told you everything I possibly couldn’t tell anyone or haven’t yet told anyone. You were a soothing presence and your smile had this calming effect on me that I wasn’t in distress anymore, I was at ease. How strange I found it to be once I was in my home.
I was drenched in water and I only noticed it when my mom came to me with a towel, scolding me for not taking care of myself. I was surprised to see myself soaking wet.
That incident makes complete sense now that I know why that happened.
I was bamboozled when I started seeing you everywhere, most of the time when it was unexpected, in places like library or in my secret hiding place.
I wondered at first if you were a stalker but then when I talked with you and your explanation made complete sense to me and I thought maybe it’s just that we are meant to be.
I had started to have this tiny crush on you but the feelings were a different territory for me. I didn’t know what I was feeling and a lot of the times I felt as if I wasn’t right in feeling this deeply for someone.
We never talked about how we felt, you said you liked me and spending time with me gave you a loophole from outside world, I didn’t mind you saying that I was your escape.
If you hadn’t become a disease to me, I would still be running around chasing after you.
If I hadn’t ran after you to stop you, I wouldn’t be in the hospital. I wouldn’t have known that this beautiful brain of mine as you had address it to be, was trying to escape reality through extreme ways.
I broke down when they said that you were not real that you were just a fragment of my imagination.
I didn’t believe them but when I looked at all the events that played out and I was in your presence, I saw the pattern, you never came out in public, you were always with me when I was alone and the first time when I saw you in public when the world surrounded us, was the time when it all came crashing down.
You are a beautiful memory and I am afraid I don’t wanna let you go and I know I will try my best to get better but I also know that I will wish for your presence and the moment I acknowledge you all the progress will be turned to nothingness and I wouldn’t be able to start all over again.
I am writing this to you wanting you to go away, since I created you, gave you identity, I can take it away from you unless my brain tries to trick me and get me to need you.
I miss you less everyday, I wanna never miss you again, I hope to erase you from every vivid fading memory that I have of you and me together. I wanna never meet you again or even wish you were real but I think I can wish you were real even though you aren’t.
It was beautiful to be with you for as long as we were together, it was beautiful to have known you. You said that I should love myself more. Removing you from my life is the first step.
