I’ve Not Been The Easiest To Deal With Beyond the Panorama January 13, 2022

I’ve Not Been The Easiest To Deal With

Written by Ayush Banerjee

I’ve not been the easiest to deal with-

felt the scars on my skin with dreadful eyes

and never accepted the voice

which has accompanied me, 

ever since. 

Pity me not,


for I’ve always been told

that mankind has only been

but fair to me

and it is I 

who knows not 

how to treat me. 

I’ve not been the easiest to deal with-

been grateful enough

to the lesson they’ve always taught-

to admire every other tree around me

for the others will, always,

be a fit for every forest of the mind


do accept my humble regret 

towards my existence, diligently,

for I shall always be the inferior tree

residing in every forest

that’d once bred the air of equality,

preached by their kind. 

Look upon my body

as I often do,

with dilemma in perception-

the stare that overwhelms with curiosity

yet, whispers its preassumed fears,

concealed as the facial judgment,

as if an unwanted man

on foreign soil. 

I’ve not been the easiest to deal with –

sometimes been all 

and mostly some

of what I’d been told to be,


I’m so much, it seems,

of their misguided dreams and ambitions,


I’ve never really been me. 

Monsters under the bed,

they crawl up my sleeves at night

and reach out to my mind seeking rest from life;

I struggle and grab the nearest pillow

for my ears bleed the pain 

of the haunting echoes of the past

and the nerves bear shocks of agony

daunting their way to an eventual death,

a temporary anaesthesia

for the mind wants to dream forever,

but the skin accepts numbness-

alas! It could never be whole,

for its truest self. 

I’ve not been the easiest to deal with

for I am always expected to be knowledgeable

as the endless sea,


here I stand 

as the broken plank of wood

afraid to float in the waters 

where you rinse and bathe

and in the name of the Holy,

bury the spirit and innocence

of another, somebody, like me. 

How many mirrors will it take

for me to be a human?

The mirror, too, lies sometimes;

an uncanny peace,

it offers to the deception of who I am,

as I am and

how I am,

for every step into the open,

the image that I bear

is like meat to your opinionated mind

as you preach that mankind is humble

and blooms like a flower on its own,

yet it is you,

who decides

which flower shall survive. 

I’ve not been the easiest to me

for lost I am,

in a crowd of pleasers

that you’ve nurtured all along,

trying to be everyone,

forgiving the bygones-

a perpetual meltdown,

amidst all,

I am forgetting myself. 

Ayush Banerjee
Ayush Banerjee

A poetry connoisseur, Ayush writes what he sees, experiences, and believes. 

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