Written by Archita Nayak
I’ve seen people around me
struggling,
hustling, and then achieving
what they want. Feeling of insecurities,
mixed with anxieties,
resides in each one of my cells.
I have started considering myself- a frog in the well,
by seeing them exploring
and living,
and accomplishing
their dreams,
fiercely,
fearlessly.
I have started underestimating myself,
by seeing my friends with all their organized plans.
I have started to question myself
“Why can’t I be what I wanted to be?”
“Why can’t I just allow myself to live freely?”
“Why am I so afraid of not being practical?”
“Why am I so afraid of being emotional?”
“Why am I so afraid of following my heart, just for once?”
“Why am I not believing myself and turning to none?”
Believe me, I’ve seen TEDx talks by strugglers,
speeches by motivators,
quotes by philosophers,
self-help books by writers,
But,
it’s just not helping!
I feel like I’m losing.
I feel like I’m failing.
I feel like I’m sinking, every passing minute!
I’m here seeking realizations,
everywhere,
anywhere,
and abandoning myself.
I’m here listening to
everyone,
anyone,
and overhearing myself.
and that’s the problem,
The more I try to live,
the more I end up surviving.
The more I need
the more I’m away.
The more I try to seek,
the more I expect,
and the more I hurt.
There were these unanswered questions
making my void
more hollow.
Making myself
more shallow.
There were these stagnant rivers,
frustrated by staying calm,
for years,
waiting for a gush of wind,
so that they can be
wild and free!
There were these veins with boiling blood,
afraid of bringing the flood
afraid of turning myself into none.
I was there rushing into everything,
seeking anything,
yet gaining nothing!
But as my mother once said,
“This too shall pass.”
And, I’m here gathering my broken bones
to tread that way.
