Written by Archita Nayak
I’ve seen people around me
hustling, and then achieving
what they want. Feeling of insecurities,
mixed with anxieties,
resides in each one of my cells.
I have started considering myself- a frog in the well,
by seeing them exploring
I have started underestimating myself,
by seeing my friends with all their organized plans.
I have started to question myself
“Why can’t I be what I wanted to be?”
“Why can’t I just allow myself to live freely?”
“Why am I so afraid of not being practical?”
“Why am I so afraid of being emotional?”
“Why am I so afraid of following my heart, just for once?”
“Why am I not believing myself and turning to none?”
Believe me, I’ve seen TEDx talks by strugglers,
speeches by motivators,
quotes by philosophers,
self-help books by writers,
it’s just not helping!
I feel like I’m losing.
I feel like I’m failing.
I feel like I’m sinking, every passing minute!
I’m here seeking realizations,
and abandoning myself.
I’m here listening to
and overhearing myself.
and that’s the problem,
The more I try to live,
the more I end up surviving.
The more I need
the more I’m away.
The more I try to seek,
the more I expect,
and the more I hurt.
There were these unanswered questions
making my void
There were these stagnant rivers,
frustrated by staying calm,
waiting for a gush of wind,
so that they can be
wild and free!
There were these veins with boiling blood,
afraid of bringing the flood
afraid of turning myself into none.
I was there rushing into everything,
yet gaining nothing!
But as my mother once said,
“This too shall pass.”
And, I’m here gathering my broken bones
to tread that way.