Why I Want To And Don’t Want To Be Like My Mom Beyond the Panorama April 22, 2021

Why I Want To And Don’t Want To Be Like My Mom

Written by Apoorva Dixit

Okay, so, here’s a confession

To 15-year-old me,

when someone said

I have started to look like my mom

It felt like a victory.

And how I imagined that

I would drape myself

in her favourite blue saree just like she did, 

Little did I know that

the saree is just a representation

of the length of her dreams

which she has folded within herself.

I wished to wear those red bangles someday,

the sound of which is the rhythm I hear

 Unaware of the fact that

the bangles are just the fancy shackles

to keep her tied to the responsibilities.

I desired to apply the dark thick kohl,

just like my mom did every morning

oblivious that the kohl is just an attempt

to hide the aspirations in her eyes.

I wanted to be like my mom,

benevolent and compassionate

unconscious about what it takes

to push the misogyny out of its wheelchair

and break its knees,

Because there’s a silver tape of patriarchy

stuck on my mother’s mouth.

Okay, so here’s a confession,

I am twenty-something, nervous and anxious 

And I am scared because,

I don’t want to be like my mom!

A girl like me cannot be caged with fetters

in the name of symbols of marriage.

Because I don’t believe in the concept

of sacrificing my dreams

To lead a happy married life.

Because my hands are not tied back

with the rope of fear

and I decided to ask, question, threaten

the patriarchy, the oppression

Until they not only hear my voice

but also the roaring rage within me!

I will wear the anklets of victory, unlike my mom and walk out of the room

So that the gatekeepers of chauvinism

hear the ring of freedom.

Here’s a confession I say aloud,

I am fearful to become like my mother 

Because she is a goddess,

but I choose to be a warrior!

Apoorva Dixit
Apoorva Dixit

Apoorva writes movies and book reviews, poetry that makes you emotional, and her thoughts on society. 

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