Remember Beyond the Panorama September 29, 2020


The first time, I was visiting my cousin’s

my first time living without my mother

when his grandfather sat me on his lap

and patted my tiny 12-year-old breasts

(if you could even call them that)

I remember thinking maybe this is a mistake, 

maybe he doesn’t realize where his hand is

but he did

then I remember thinking I would politely fight him off, cross my arms over my chest

but he would politely remove my hand and

I remember thinking that is he strong for an old man.

One day, I was just standing at my college gate

when I felt a hand on my backside

I turned around and saw his smile 

just rooted for some seconds as he walked away

I remember asking myself if I should run after him

maybe hit him with something

then I remember thinking what if he hits back?

what would I do then

so slowly I walked back inside as I felt the warm tears trickle down my flushed cheeks. 

This next one is the funniest, excuse my expression (or don’t)

there I was in a pool at a water park, me and a couple of friends

just as a wave came, I felt something squeeze my breast

the wave was gone and so was the hand

I remember telling my friend, she was standing right beside me

then I remember her telling me that the same thing happened to her.

We just looked at each other, confused

I remember laughing, very hard

so hard we had tears in our eyes

we found it so funny that we still laugh.

There I was at a house party, sleeping, alone

when I woke up in the middle of the night

to find some fingers in between my legs

my classmates’ hand, inside my pants

I remember sinking, wondering if I have to move on from that…

5 years have passed, I am now lying on my bed,

just thinking about when I would wake up, what would I eat for breakfast, oh, remember that hand?

and that’s it, that’s how it creeps up

followed by this disgusted tingling inside me,

closing me up, shutting my legs tight.

I thought I could forget that one minute after living millions of them,

I thought I could. 

4:30 AM on a Friday night

Reported by Kritika Sharma

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