The first time, I was visiting my cousin’s
my first time living without my mother
when his grandfather sat me on his lap
and patted my tiny 12-year-old breasts
(if you could even call them that)
I remember thinking maybe this is a mistake,
maybe he doesn’t realize where his hand is
but he did
then I remember thinking I would politely fight him off, cross my arms over my chest
but he would politely remove my hand and
I remember thinking that is he strong for an old man.
One day, I was just standing at my college gate
when I felt a hand on my backside
I turned around and saw his smile
just rooted for some seconds as he walked away
I remember asking myself if I should run after him
maybe hit him with something
then I remember thinking what if he hits back?
what would I do then
so slowly I walked back inside as I felt the warm tears trickle down my flushed cheeks.
This next one is the funniest, excuse my expression (or don’t)
there I was in a pool at a water park, me and a couple of friends
just as a wave came, I felt something squeeze my breast
the wave was gone and so was the hand
I remember telling my friend, she was standing right beside me
then I remember her telling me that the same thing happened to her.
We just looked at each other, confused
I remember laughing, very hard
so hard we had tears in our eyes
we found it so funny that we still laugh.
There I was at a house party, sleeping, alone
when I woke up in the middle of the night
to find some fingers in between my legs
my classmates’ hand, inside my pants
I remember sinking, wondering if I have to move on from that…
5 years have passed, I am now lying on my bed,
just thinking about when I would wake up, what would I eat for breakfast, oh, remember that hand?
and that’s it, that’s how it creeps up
followed by this disgusted tingling inside me,
closing me up, shutting my legs tight.
I thought I could forget that one minute after living millions of them,
I thought I could.
4:30 AM on a Friday night
Reported by Kritika Sharma
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